Little did i know that those people probably didn't sit at home twiddling their thumbs. They probably had a million things to do still. At this point it is literally any day you could come and i am not ready. You have no bed to come home to, wash still is not done, the house is a wreck, shelves need to be hung. I took 4 days weeks for the last couple months thinking that would be enough to get everything done but i was very wrong. Those days are filled with sitting in the doctors office then scrambling to get a few things off my list. It's exhausting and before i know it that day is over and im back at work.
I try and get stuff done when i have a few minutes here or there but i literally cannot find the energy. I sit there and cry because there is so much to do and i know i need to do it but i just cannot get it done. It's not that i don't have the will or i physically can't do it, i am just so tired, so very, very tired.
The smart thing would have been to at least give myself a week. If anything i would have some peace of mind. Right now i just have stress. Work is stressing me out, the house is stressing me out, the thought of a baby being here any day is stressing me out. I know how bad that is, i get it, and i really don't need to hear from people that i need to relax and that it will all come together.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel though, i can see it. I have 10 working days left. I can do it. It may involve crying on the way to work every morning, but i CAN do it. So for now i am just going to stare at that number and watch it dwindle away.
the mom
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