It's pretty overwhelming, the second day we were home i cried for two hours straight. Not because i was unhappy, just because i was exhausted and so unprepared. This little life that totally relies on you. I have no idea if i am doing things right or not, i worry constantly that i am screwing it up.
I think it took a couple days for me to realize, hello- yes this child is mine. Even the moment you were born and i saw them take you there was this thought that came over me and i said to myself, he is mine- all mine, i actually get to keep him? I was sort of in shock i think. The first week was crazy. We spent so much time in the hospital then we came home and the first couple days was a constant flow of people coming and going.
I think i am finally starting to get a grip on things. Although its a false sense of reality. Your dad is coming home late every day this week so we are down the shore with grandma so mommy is not alone all day and all night without help. She is a huge help, giving you baths, feeding you, taking you so i can nap in the morning. Next week will be tough when it is my first week alone while daddy is at work. I think this week is kind of like training though. That first week was way too crazy to learn anything so this second week i've got my training wheels on while grandma helps us then next week i should be ready to go.
As difficult as this is though, between the tired eyes and constant annoyance of pumping, i am enjoying it more and more every day. You are a huge reward.
xoxo
the mom
